I'm all for rough sex, don't get me wrong.
There's nothing like a good, sharp slap to the face or animalistic thrash-fest to allow two people to get out of their heads, play with power-exchange and ride their edge. In fact, it's my go-to M.O.
But lately I've been thinking about and experimenting with something altogether different. Not better or worse, just different. Something more intentional and deliberate. Less biting and more 'being.' Less gritting-through-the-tension and more relaxation. Less primal and more ... spiritual? (Whatever that means.)
If you've got a willing partner who's up for a challenge, this may be something to try. But be forewarned that it's going to take a lot of effort and practice. Even getting in "the mood" for something like this is something you'll need to ease into. Take a long, warm bath together, perhaps followed by some massage or oral. Whatever. But you both have to be free from stresses and mental anxieties of any kind.
Ready? Alright. Be 100% present - as if the purpose of that moment isn't to grind through your pent-up desires but to be fully with him or her. Warm yourselves up and when penetration occurs (yum, by the way) - see how ridiculously slowly this can take place, never losing connection or presence. Now STOP. Literally be still and full inside one another. Let some heat build up. Move through your normal series of positions but instead of your normal physical activity, be as nuanced and artful and motionless as possible. Every time your eyes or presence drifts away, bring it back (sort of like a Vipassana breath practice that involves your naughty bits).
The need to start pounding away (or receiving a pounding) will be vicious, like an incredible itch that you cannot scratch. Every part of your being will grow more and more on fire, but don't cave. Stay with your partner like a frickin' laser beam. Push through it and keep breathing, occasionally rocking gently but only enough to recharge. Let whatever emotions are under the surface come bubbling up. Maybe you'll cry. Maybe you'll manifest a deep care and compassion for your partner. Whatever it is, relax into it and feel it fully.
When you feel you've fully connected and want to end, well then you're done. And no coming (unless it just naturally happens). Whereas you normally blast out all your energy, become depolarized and pass out, melting away into sleepytime on opposite sides of the bed, now you settle down still full of heat and connection. Don't be surprised if you fall asleep tucked into your lover's nook. A connection - a magnetic charge - has been intensified and the act is truly and literally "making love." Your genitals may not explode, but your hearts just might.
Or you could just fuck like horny livestock and come all over her tits. That's totally cool too.